Many of things have come and gone between now and the last time I wrote one of these things. I got a job, and actually wound up quitting the job because of two things. One was because I had nightmares about showing up at work and having body parts ripped out of me, and then other nightmares about making deals with the devil about work. The other reason was my health took a turn for the worse, I lost my voice and apperantly got strep throat. So Figuring they would wind up firing me anyway, or forcing me to work 12hour shifts when I could barely handle 8, I quit. Around this time, also, is when mine and Sam's relationship started to also go sour.
We've been married over 3 months now, And there are days where I can see myself growing old and dying with him, and others where I can see myself single by the end of this year. It feels like our relationship has been extremely tested these past few weeks for various reasons, and we are at the point where I feel like I am being smothered. Now, he is one of 10 children, I am an only child. He craves attention where I crave solitude. and it feels like at this point that if I don't give him all hours of the day when he's home, I am not giving him any time at all. and I mean literally every hour. He comes home from work at 11, and if I don't stay up with him for at least 3 hours, then he counts it as I didn't spend any time with him at all. Normally, I wouldn't really mind staying up until 2 a.m., but when we do go to sleep, he will capture me between the wall and him and it keeps me up because of how claustrophobic I am, then he'll be waking up at 7 or 8 in the morning for whatever reason. Trying to get him to the doctor is like pulling teeth, so if he doesnt feel good he will be miserable until it goes away, and that's what has been happening. So now I'm sleep deprived, trying to feed him attention that is blowing out of his ears like smoke. And the worst part is, he absolutely refuses to go out and make friends for himself. His family is all over the place now, and there is literally no one else he will even try to have a friend-like conversation with. -claws the walls-
Speaking of claws, Kari will officially be getting De clawed this week. She has torn up the carpet, keeps clawing us in our sleep, and today made Shiva's eyes swell shut because she clawed her. I love her and never wanted her declawed, but we cant afford not to at this point.
I think I am going to end my rant there. x.x Im too exhausted as it is.